Awake and Dreaming

At night I lay with my limbs intertwined with his. I can feel him breathing hot minty air on my neck and cheek. His face is so close to mine that I can feel the tips of his long eyelashes resting against my skin. It seems so peaceful where he is. Asleep.

"I want to be where you are baby. I miss it there."

I could fall into you
the affectionate inviting heart of you
cradled snug in the levels of your existence
cuddled up with quiet longing persistence
I could fall, but you wouldn't catch me
I could fall, but you turn from me, passively

I miss everything regarding what you do
still trying to fall into you
but I can't even imagine where you are
running out of sheep and counting stars
and as I lay me down, awake and dreaming of sleeping
the insomniac hours are mine for the keeping

Sleeping pills contemptuously resting on the shelf
I reach for the container to save me from myself
I close my eyes for a minute
I'm lucid but slowly fading in it
back through the folds and my mind is free
I'm falling -sleep, come rescue me

Monsters and Angels

My mind can bend reality as you know it, shifting into cross existing dimensions. I'm important because of this. That's how it was explained to me, stated bluntly as fact. Which was really hard to take given that the person I was talking to, according to my doctor, didn't exist.

Let me back up.

My parents found me in the throws of becoming another teenage statistic. I tried to end my life with some easily accessible muscle relaxants, prescribed to my mother and a bottle of something that smelled like paint thinner, from my dads liquor cabinet. While hospitalized, I made the mistake of telling the physicians that I was tired of the strange people telling me what to do. With some probing, they assessed that when I said "strange people," I wasn't talking about my parents.

Who knew that it wasn't normal to have people that no one else can see, telling you that you have a higher importance. It's all I've known. In fact, I wasn't aware that no one else could see them, until right before the incident.

My best friend Travis happened to be with me when I began to panic that I couldn't find my way home. He tried to reassure me that I was already home, but when I told him that there were other people in the room and they were telling me to stay away from scientist Donnor Starbord, he fell silent. He stayed with me until my world shifted back into reality, which is quite a task for a seventeen year old boy. For anyone.

It's happened before, but never with anyone around. Never before did I have someone explain to me that it wasn't normal. How can a reality that I've always known, not be normal. It wasn't always that bad, but it had been noticeably increasing since last year.

And all of this I chose to explain to the doctors, while very well medicated. I was mentally numb, and I feel that I said more than I should have, but couldn't stop.

"We'd like to keep your daughter, Paige, under our care for some extensive research. Her case of schizophrenia is very uncommon, in that, she's the youngest we've seen showing active symptoms."

... unfinished story. More to come later.