Speak first, no time for thinking

Happiness is a warm cup, read the words on my coffee cup sleeve.

"Happiness is a warm cup, indeed," I agreed, out-loud.

"Pardon?" A quiet voice questioned over the gray, fabric, cubicle wall. Sometimes I forget that my desk doesn't have real walls.

"Oh, sorry, I was talking to my coffee." I said before thinking about how it would sound.

I tend to do this a lot. Speak first, think later. No harm has come of it yet, just minor embarrassing moments. Like, answering yes to my waiter when he asks "Soup or Salad?" After some thought my face flushes red as I realize there is no Super Salad, just my vague answer to a either or question.

Then there are the random moments where I plan to say one simple sentence and somehow the words get fused together. "Hey, same here," fumbles out of my mouth as “Hey'smear." There's no smooth way to play off an incoherent word jumble of a sentence. You just back that jumble train up and say it again, clearly, then wait for your friends to stop laughing at you.

Let us not forget the best of all: this bad little habit I have of repeating what I though I heard someone say, no matter how much it doesn't make sense.

Case in point.

I arrived at my friends’ apartment and she was on the phone, in the middle of what seemed to be an intense conversation. She motioned for me to come in and suddenly directed me to a jar of candy that she had sitting on her kitchen counter. Then she left the room.

I'm a bit of a sugar-junkie and knowing this, my friend kept a jar of candy in her apartment that she'd often use to lure me over, or in this case, keep me entertained while she was busy. I grabbed the jar and created a carpet-picnic of Smarties and Gobstoppers on her living-room floor.

Let me tell you, this was no brief conversation. She eventually ended the phone call and walked into the living room to find me sitting Indian-style, jar of candy tucked up against my body and a flock of candy wrappers circling my body.

"Christ-Almighty!" She exclaimed. She underestimated what I can do with a jar of candy in a matter of an hour.

"Crystal Nightie?" It didn't make sense, but I asked for clarification anyways.

"Crystal Nightie? What does that even mean? I said Christ-Almighty, you dork!" She said with a laugh.

We moved on past the incident, but "Crystal Nightie," still gets used in jest from time to time. That and the slew of other phrases I've blurted out, without thinking about how it sounded first.

I was starting to feel alone in this, because I am that one friend you know that does this. However, I was listening to the comedian Brian Regan, who had much to say about similar moments and felt the need to share: